You know that awkward moment when you text someone you matched with online, and you get no response?
You can literally (not really) see the tumbleweeds rolling across your screen!
Mostly (although not always), this ghosting happens as a result of something you have done wrong. Here are eight of the main mistakes that will leave you talking to yourself online.
The good news is,
For every mistake, there is a super-easy way to make things right!
Here it goes, online dating 101:
Reasons you’re not getting any responses when online dating
1. Your profile just isn’t that good
In online dating, no responses usually means you didn’t leave a good first impression.
And first impressions are everything!
Every time someone receives a text or email from you, the first thing they will do is check your profile.
If you have a bad photo on your dating profile, then you shouldn’t expect responses. A bad picture can mean a lot of things, including:
- Flashy displays of your lifestyle
- Shirtless pictures
- Unflattering selfies
- Group photos
- and much more
The only thing worse than a bad photo is no photo at all.
If you also happen to have washed up profile bios about how you love long walks on the beach, then you should also expect zero messages in your inbox.
Put some effort into both of these, and you will see results in no time!
2. Boring starter emails/texts
Another first impression that could be ruining your chances of finding love is the initial contact.
How did you hit him/her up?
Did you go with something boring like “Hi” or “How are you”? If that’s how you chose to start things, then it is most likely the reason why you still haven’t received a reply.
Remember, there are many fish in this online dating sea. And most of them are using the same old boring initial messages.
If you want to increase your chances of success, make an effort to stand out with a unique message. It should elicit an emotional response and make your match curious and intrigued about you.
A good idea is to ask a question about something you read on their profile or mention things you seem to have in common.
3. Cliché pickup lines
There is a fine line between tacky and cute when it comes to pickup lines in online dating. If you have heard it before, then you probably shouldn’t be using it.
It can and most likely will cost you a steady correspondence with your online love interest. To be on the safe side, simply avoid these types of lines altogether, cliché or not.
4. Being too forward too soon
You need to be open when online dating, but you must learn the importance of perfect timing. If you come on too strong, then you will be left hanging for sure. Take a girl or guy through some light conversation first before you start confessing your love and promising marriage.
5. The big O: Objectification
Another fine line in online dating exists between compliments and rude comments. That is the one line you do not want to cross if you want your matches to respond.
It is ok to like her body, or her hair, or her smile. There is nothing wrong about drooling over those abs or that sexy man bun.
However, including such comments in your texts or emails as you start talking will get you ghosted faster than you can say, love. It sends the wrong message, especially to users who are there seriously looking for love.
6. Too much small talk
No one ever in the history of humanity has enjoyed small talk. Your online date is not the exception here. It gets annoying and exhausting pretty fast, and most people prefer to leave the conversation than to carry on.
You do not have to go into an in-depth talk on the philosophy of life and major scientific theories. Just find something interesting to both of you and focus on that. And unless you are both meteorologists, the weather should not be featured here.
7. You are a late-replier
Sometimes, people leave you hanging because you left them hanging first. If you got a text at noon on Tuesday and replied a week later, then it is entirely your fault that your match returned the favor.
The solution here is simple – just respond promptly. And if you are busy, let them know and pick things up when you have more time on your hands.
8. They are just overwhelmed from all the messages they receive
Online dating gives a whole other meaning to the phrase “plenty of fish in the sea.” The reality is, there are probably tens or even hundreds of other singles on the platform shooting their shot with the same person you are interested in.
So, if you are not getting responses, maybe it is because the person you reached out to is overwhelmed by the number of suitors.
There are two ways around this:
The first is to do something that will make you stand out. This means avoiding clichés and generic messages.
The second (and probably the best way to deal with the problem) is by widening your search.
There are lots of amazing gems on those platforms that everyone, including you, are missing out on. So instead of flocking around the popular and unavailable singles, try your luck elsewhere.
When and how to follow up to your first message
When it comes to follow-up messages after not getting responses on online dating platforms, timing and content will make or break you.
To help you out, here are four rules to live by as far as writing a second message is concerned.
RULE #1: Follow up if it was the first message
No one wants to come across as needy, which is why it is perfectly fine to send another message if your first one goes unanswered.
Sending a second message could just be what draws their attention to your first message. Or it could remind them they had intended to reach back.
When sending a follow-up, make sure to change the format of your message.
If the first one was a simple hello or a pickup line, the perfect online dating follow-up message example would be a joke or a question about something you read on their profile.
RULE #2: Follow up if they suddenly disappear
Maybe you got lucky and got a series of responses before they disappeared. In this case, you have established a connection, and there is hope that they are interested.
It is more than ok to send a follow-up message if they haven’t answered your previous one for a long time.
RULE #3: One follow-up message only
Whether they ghosted you or just didn’t respond, it is never a good idea to send more than one follow-up message.
No matter how good your intentions are, it may come across as a little creepy and pushy. This will work against you by pushing them further away.
At least this way, you will know you did your best to show interest without coming across as a weirdo.
RULE#4: Sometimes it’s just ok not to get replies
You have tried everything from the witty first message to the cool and desperation-free follow up, but they still don’t respond.
It’s all good.
It’s time to cut your losses and move on.
The lack of response actually speaks volumes and may just be how they show their lack of interest.
Considering the wide pool of singles today, not everyone is going to reply. And that’s alright. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, and your perfect match is still out there!
Give it another go
Now that you know what to do and what not to do, you should have your phone blowing up with text replies from all your matches. Just remember to be yourself, trust the process, and have fun.
Are you ready to have your first date? Then read our tips for first date after meeting online.
